When I was a little boy I asked a foreign entity to come into my heart and take over my body. He told me I was lost and hopeless without him, and that he would take my life if I didn’t obey his every word. I was very afraid. My entire community told me I needed this spirit in order to survive and live a good life. I could not trust my own heart because something was wrong with me: I was wicked and rebellious. This spirit constantly policed my thoughts and harassed me for every desire and sexual fantasy that wasn’t the way he wanted it to be. He told me I was his spiritual slave, that I had been bought with a price and my body and spirit were no longer my own. I was dead to myself, and I no longer lived. It was all about being a channel for god’s spirit, bypassing my agency and my heart. I was to constantly empty myself of all personal desires and surrender to his plan for my life. I wasn’t allowed to have my own plan. I was required to surrender my critical thinking and decision-making and trust him blindly–he called this faith. He told me any other spirit or way of life was evil and deserving of punishment. After many years, I realized that I no longer felt like myself. I had given over everything to this spirit, and in the process, I lost my identity. I felt like my soul was empty. I couldn’t tell what was me and what was Jesus. I had sold my soul.
I had my own personal exorcism of the Jesus of fundamentalism. I decided to take my life back. I got rid of the crosses and symbols that represented my spiritual slavery and broken identity. I renounced his lies that he had any rights to my body. I confessed my sin of wronging myself, of not honoring my heart and dreams, of destroying my sexuality. I told this version of Jesus, “I cast you out in the name of myself, my highest good, and the good of all beings. You have no place in this heart any longer. From now on, I am free.” I felt a tremendous rush of relief. I began to see life in brighter colors, and instead of constantly looking outside of myself and denying my heart’s desires, I have learned to make my own decisions and trust my internal guidance system. I am a free spirit, not to be dominated by any spirit outside of myself. If I choose work with another spirit, it will be a partnership, not a master-slave relationship. I am so much happier, and everybody sees it; except for those who are also in slavery and can only see the will of Jesus. They can’t see my progress and joy because their spirit wants me back as his slave, so they tell me. That will never happen again. I wish they could share my joy, but I know that they need to have their own experiences of disillusion before they can rejoice with me.
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