Millions of Christians have an abusive kind of relationship with Jesus, a spiritual romance of sorts. (I do not consider all relationships to Jesus inherently abusive; I speak to harmful interpretations of Jesus.) I used to be in an abusive relationship with this man, so I consider it my moral responsibility to warn my Christian friends of his behavior. The first step to breaking free of abuse is to recognize that it is happening. Jesus claims absolute ownership of your body and soul. If you even think sexual thoughts about someone else, Jesus says you’re cheating on him and threatens to torture you in hell forever (Matt 5:27-28). Jesus also commands you to worship him and constantly degrade yourself by confessing all your sexual fantasies to him, as if you deserve to be punished just for having them. But everyone has fantasies about other people, this is just part of being human! Jesus’s extreme jealousy and narcissistic demand to be worshiped only demonstrates his low self-esteem and insecurity about his masculinity. Don’t accept any such abusive treatment from a man.

Jesus creates a system of unnatural and oppressive sexual rules that his lovers must obey if they want to be in a relationship with him. He even goes as far as to suggest his lovers emasculate themselves to dedicate themselves more fully to his service (Matt 19:12). This should be a major red flag. Even more extreme, all Jesus’s male lovers and children born to him must cut off a portion of their penises as a symbol of Jesus’s ownership of their sexuality. Jesus’s female lovers must be silent in his presence and must submit to the sexual desires of his male lovers on demand (1 Cor 14:34, Eph 5, 1 Cor 7). Women cannot wear revealing clothing, because only Jesus and his males get the goods (1 Tim 2:9-10, 1 Pet 2:3-5). Jesus is clearly nervous about men outside his divine harem getting his girls. But, he claims, it’s not about his sexual gratification, since he is of course a virgin. He’s just saying this because he cares about your salvation, of course.

If you have any children with Jesus, he commands you to raise them as his lovers too (Eph 6:4, Prov 22:6). Modern society recognizes children given into sexual relationships as sex slaves. Don’t sell your children as sex slaves to your lover! This is not good for you, your kids, or even Jesus. Jesus promises to provide for all your material and spiritual needs, but he threatens to punish or murder you if you leave him for another guy or warn others about his behavior (Matt 18:6). Don’t be intimidated. All abusers behave in this way. Their so-called provision for their lovers is only a means of entrapment and a way of fulfilling their own selfish sexual needs. If Jesus really cared for you, he wouldn’t threaten you. You are capable of meeting all your needs without surrendering your consent and decision-making to a man. Respectful lovers will never threaten you or demand that you rely on them to meet all your needs. This is not a healthy way of adult relating. Besides this, no one is capable of meeting your needs besides you. Learn how to take care of yourself, and your lovers will treat you with more respect.

The implicit message behind Jesus’s talk is that you can’t be trusted to handle your own body or make your own decisions. Sadly, Jesus makes his lovers accustomed to letting him make their decisions for them, so they often lack practice with consent and relationships apart from him. Don’t let this stop you! Although there may be a learning curve, your confidence will increase as you learn to trust yourself and experience the dignity of having ownership over your own body.

Like most abusers, Jesus justifies his threats by claiming they are actually in your best interest. You can’t even talk back to Jesus because you should know your place in the relationship. You’re the clay and he’s the potter. If the potter wants to break his pottery (you), that’s his business, not yours (Rom 9). You should know your role and be grateful, or else! Abusers commonly belittle their victims with labels and degrading language. They make their victims feel as if they somehow deserve to be mistreated.

I must warn you not to try to change your abusive man. People like this need help from a trained therapist. Unfortunately, their claims to be above reproach (“divine perfection”) make getting help difficult. Jesus may one day find the help he needs, but it’s not your job to fix him.

The sad truth is, Jesus is the leader of the world’s largest sex cult. You’re not his only victim: there are billions. He has already evaded prosecution by evacuating the planet, although he still threatens to come back and destroy his prosecutors with weapons of mass destruction (Revelation). But we resist intimidation. Like all abusers, he will eventually face a judgment day.

We may hope for Jesus’s remediation, but in the meantime, your spiritual and sexual health is our greatest concern. There is help available. As an absent lover and fugitive (somewhere in “heaven”), Jesus has no real power to harm you. You are free to leave at any time. It may take a while for your fears of being tortured with fire by Jesus for having sexual thoughts to go away, as this is severe psychological trauma. But you will heal with time. Other men might not be quite as divine as Jesus, but any lover who accepts you as you are without judging you is going to make you happier in the long run. Besides, there are millions of other gods out there for you to date. You can even read their dating profiles in their religious books before you decide to start seeing them. I think you’ll find many of them to be more humane and accepting of your sexual expression.

I encourage you to speak up if you have experienced sexual abuse at the hands of the abusive Jesus. He cannot go on abusing us and our loved ones. It’s time for us all to be free from ritual sexual abuse, so that humanity can reclaim its sexual dignity and morality.

If you would like to work with me to transform your trauma into the place of your power and fulfill your potential, schedule a Free Transform Trauma into Power Session. In this session, my intention is to help you gain clarity and support, learn a few powerful suggestions, and see whether one of my Coaching Programs is a good fit for you. 

Do you feel psychologically traumatized by religion, or isolated and disempowered by trauma and limiting beliefs in your life? I’m Andrew Jasko, Master of Divinity (M.Div.), M.A., Counseling Psychology in progress, and I work to help you transform your trauma into the place of your power and connect to a healthy, authentic spirituality that works for you (whether that’s as a spiritual, atheist, religious, transitioning, or agnostic identifying person). I was born into a minister’s family and became a preacher and missionary to India, after studying theology at Wheaton College and Princeton Seminary. As a Christian, my relationship with God was my passion, but unhealthy religious teachings caused me an anxiety disorder, sexual repression, and spiritual disillusionment. I felt alone, traumatized, and abandoned by the divine. After an agonizing crisis of faith, I rejected religion and spirituality. Then, I had an unexpected spiritual awakening through mystical and spiritual practices like meditation, psychedelics, and connecting my heart’s desires and intuition through my Divine Mindfulness practice. My passion is to help you in your spiritual or life transition to heal and connect with your authentic spiritual wholeness.

BOOK ME TO SPEAK: andrew@lifeafterdogma.org about healing religious trauma and psychology, spirituality and mental health, interpreting the Bible through a mystical, nondual lens, psychedelics, and other topics. I also provide consultations for therapists and ministers and speak on podcasts and video channels.


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