When I was a little boy I asked a foreign entity to come into my heart and take over my body. He told me I was lost and hopeless without him, and that he would take my life if I didn’t obey his every word. I was very afraid. My entire community told me I needed this spirit in order to survive and live a good life. I could not trust my own heart because something was wrong with me: I was wicked and rebellious. This spirit constantly policed my thoughts and harassed me for every desire and sexual fantasy that wasn’t the way he wanted it to be. He told me I was his spiritual slave, that I had been bought with a price and my body and spirit were no longer my own. I was dead to myself, and I no longer lived. It was all about being a channel for god’s spirit, bypassing my agency and my heart. I was to constantly empty myself of all personal desires and surrender to his plan for my life. I wasn’t allowed to have my own plan. I was required to surrender my critical thinking and decision-making and trust him blindly–he called this faith. He told me any other spirit or way of life was evil and deserving of punishment. After many years, I realized that I no longer felt like myself. I had given over everything to this spirit, and in the process, I lost my identity. I felt like my soul was empty. I couldn’t tell what was me and what was Jesus. I had sold my soul.
I had my own personal exorcism of the Jesus of fundamentalism. I decided to take my life back. I got rid of the crosses and symbols that represented my spiritual slavery and broken identity. I renounced his lies that he had any rights to my body. I confessed my sin of wronging myself, of not honoring my heart and dreams, of destroying my sexuality. I told this version of Jesus, “I cast you out in the name of myself, my highest good, and the good of all beings. You have no place in this heart any longer. From now on, I am free.” I felt a tremendous rush of relief. I began to see life in brighter colors, and instead of constantly looking outside of myself and denying my heart’s desires, I have learned to make my own decisions and trust my internal guidance system. I am a free spirit, not to be dominated by any spirit outside of myself. If I choose to work with another spirit, it will be a partnership, not a master-slave relationship. I am so much happier, and everybody sees it; except for those who are also in slavery and can only see the will of Jesus. They can’t see my progress and joy because their spirit wants me back as his slave, so they tell me. That will never happen again. I wish they could share my joy, but I know that they need to have their own experiences of disillusion before they can rejoice with me.
If you would like to work with me to transform your trauma into the place of your power and fulfill your potential, schedule a Free Transform Trauma into Power Session. In this session, my intention is to help you gain clarity and support, learn a few powerful suggestions, and see whether one of my Coaching Programs is a good fit for you.
Do you feel psychologically traumatized by religion, or isolated and disempowered by trauma and limiting beliefs in your life? I’m Andrew Jasko, Master of Divinity (M.Div.), M.A., Counseling Psychology in progress, and I work to help you transform your trauma into the place of your power and connect to a healthy, authentic spirituality that works for you (whether that’s as a spiritual, atheist, religious, transitioning, or agnostic identifying person). I was born into a minister’s family and became a preacher and missionary to India, after studying theology at Wheaton College and Princeton Seminary. As a Christian, my relationship with God was my passion, but unhealthy religious teachings caused me an anxiety disorder, sexual repression, and spiritual disillusionment. I felt alone, traumatized, and abandoned by the divine. After an agonizing crisis of faith, I rejected religion and spirituality. Then, I had an unexpected spiritual awakening through mystical and spiritual practices like meditation, psychedelics, and connecting my heart’s desires and intuition through my Divine Mindfulness practice. My passion is to help you in your spiritual or life transition to heal and connect with your authentic spiritual wholeness.
BOOK ME TO SPEAK: firstname.lastname@example.org about healing religious trauma and psychology, spirituality and mental health, interpreting the Bible through a mystical, nondual lens, psychedelics, and other topics. I also provide consultations for therapists and ministers and speak on podcasts and video channels.