Masturbation has been a sweet tool for me in learning sexual self-restraint. I have tended to give my body away too easily, driven by raw desire in the moment. I want my kiss to really mean something. Any part of myself I choose to open to another; I want that to mean something. I want my sex to be a choice, not a reaction. Masturbation is like a pause (plus!) sexual impulse control button. I can have just as much pleasure through fantasy and touching myself as I would actually having sex. Then I can make a more clear-headed choice; Do I actually want to pursue sex with this person? Or wait? I can enjoy a fantasy just as much (often more!) than a sex act. Is the sex act forbidden or a bad idea to begin with? (For example, someone else’s partner.) Well then, since I have learned the art of pleasuring myself and being FULLY SATISFIED with that pleasure – I will enjoy the satisfaction of intimacy with that person in the safe and private sanctuary of my own mind, and never worry myself with thoughts of actually doing something stupid. Making more meaningful sex requires restraining my impulses because acting on impulse, I end up settling for sex I don’t really want to begin with, just because I haven’t given myself the opportunity to be mindful. If we gave ourselves to masturbation and fantasy almost as a kind of meditation, perhaps we could approach sexual morality (really our own self-respect and self-integrity) a little differently. This is working for me at least.
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Do you feel psychologically traumatized by religion, or isolated and disempowered by trauma and limiting beliefs in your life? I’m Andrew Jasko, Master of Divinity (M.Div.), M.A., Counseling Psychology in progress, and I work to help you transform your trauma into the place of your power and connect to a healthy, authentic spirituality that works for you (whether that’s as a spiritual, atheist, religious, transitioning, or agnostic identifying person). I was born into a minister’s family and became a preacher and missionary to India, after studying theology at Wheaton College and Princeton Seminary. As a Christian, my relationship with God was my passion, but unhealthy religious teachings caused me an anxiety disorder, sexual repression, and spiritual disillusionment. I felt alone, traumatized, and abandoned by the divine. After an agonizing crisis of faith, I rejected religion and spirituality. Then, I had an unexpected spiritual awakening through mystical and spiritual practices like meditation, psychedelics, and connecting my heart’s desires and intuition through my Divine Mindfulness practice. My passion is to help you in your spiritual or life transition to heal and connect with your authentic spiritual wholeness.
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